Don’t insult us.

There’s millions of people who have lost their job in the past few months. How can you even start an article with that title?

Well.
Its true…

I’ll also tell you about the guy who lost his job working at one of the world’s largest banks for the past 15 years.

It was last December and he was terrified and he said to me…

This is the worst financial collapse in history – how am I ever going to get another job?

What if I run out of money?

How will I pay my mortgage?

What about the kids school fees?

He was in tears.

And I’ll also tell you about the call he made to me, only three months later, when he told me that he had been given three job offers and how he needed help choosing between them!

But first, almost four years ago – before people were even talking about financial collapses and at a time when the housing market was in top form and no one had heard of AIG – I was called in to see my own boss…

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“I Don’t See A Place For You In This Organization…”

It was seven in the morning and I had already been in work for almost an hour.

As usual, I had been awoken about an hour before that by the shrieking of my alarm clock.

I had looked with pain at the empty side of the bed next to me (at 37 years old I was single once again) and I’d forced my aching body to roll over and crawl out of the warmth of the covers.

I’d showered and dressed in the pitch darkness – with about three hours until the earliest trace of dawn in the sky (I used to hate that time of the day) – and driven through the empty streets of London to begin my working day.

Leaning over my desk, searching for inspiration amongst the piles of paper work and the detritus of the email that rushed to me daily, my daydreams were rudely interrupted by a knock on the door of my office.

This was strange…

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I was usually undisturbed for at least a couple more hours.

The door creaked open and the guy who was my line manager said sheepishly, the new boss wants to see you…

This was even stranger…

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I’d spent the past fifteen years working as a teacher. I’d taught in London and in Africa and in Asia; I was great at my job and I loved the way I could make such a difference to young people’s lives. And I loved the kids I worked with – here are a bunch of my favorite students from an inner city London school (they’re all now in their 20s!)

But fifteen years of teaching had taken its toll on me.

I had climbed the greasy pole towards more money and better titles.

I had worked for bosses who didn’t like me, didn’t respect me and didn’t see me.

I’d not respected myself; I’d not trusted my intuition; and I’d forgotten how to follow my heart…

And I had moved into a world of management and leadership that had ever so slowly drawn me away from the reason I had started this career in the first place – my love of teaching and working with students.

I’d put so much time and energy into my working life over the years that relationships had strained and suffered.

It was ok – I always told myself it will be worth it eventually… I’d studied for a Masters degree that bored me silly and I truly believed that one day when I finally became the one in charge, I would have a life that I really wanted…

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I’d like you to leave today. Right now.

I felt uneasy as I walked slowly down the corridor. I knocked gently on the Principal’s door. And I got the irony of understanding for the first time how the kids must feel when they were sent to my own office! Now I knew why they tapped quietly. I sensed something was wrong and I hoped desperately that no one would answer.

Gesturing to a seat opposite her, she wasted no time.

I want a new management team. I don’t see a place for you in this organization.

I’d like you to leave today. Right now.

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Tears sprang to my eyes and I asked Why?

Give me a chance… I whispered.

Let me just prove myself for another week…

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WHY?

Who was I kidding? I knew why.

I was working in a job I no longer enjoyed, with people who could sense I didn’t want to be there. In fact, the only reason I was even there (the inspirational boss who I had really admired) had been asked to leave a few weeks earlier.

I wish I could tell you I had dignity in that moment. That I turned around and walked out with a look of disdain or even that I told her what I thought of her and the effect she would have on children’s lives.

Instead I cried like a baby and begged for my job.

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I don’t see a place for you in this organization… came the reply.

I’ll always remember that she didn’t even blink as she looked me directly in the eyes.

And in that moment I decided I am not going to fight this.

I’m not wanted.
I’m going to leave.

I signed the paperwork and too ashamed to even say goodbye to the children I loved so much, I got in my car.

I began the long ride home and I balled my eyes out for the entire journey…

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You Lucky Bastard…

Telling people I had lost my job was one of the toughest times of my life. I desperately craved sympathy and support but at the same time I tried hard to put on a brave face and pretend that I hadn’t been affected by what had happened.

I was ashamed. It took me three days before I could even tell my parents.

And even then I kinda pretended that it had been my choice to leave.

My ego had been beaten to a pulp and my self-esteem was at rock bottom, when three words from my friend Dave changed my life…

I had been making round after round of calls to friends and family, hoping that if somehow I could speak to them before they heard my news from anyone else, I could control their reaction and I would retain some shred of self-respect.

Everyone had advice for me…

Take a break for a week. Apply for a new job immediately. Speak to a lawyer. Sue them!

Or they felt sorry for me. Which was somehow worse.

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And then I called Dave and told him my story.

You lucky bastard! came the reply.

Wow, that threw me.

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But I realized he was right. I had been given an opportunity.

I could rush back into my old career. Or I could do something different.

Something had changed in me after that call and I said to myself that I was going to take a risk and do one thing that I had always wanted to do…

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A One-Way Ticket to Bangkok

I would fly to Thailand and spend time living on a beach. I would exercise and sunbathe and for a while, at least, I would put aside the word career that had driven me for most of my adult life. No commuting. No deadlines. No boss.

I bought a one-way ticket to Bangkok.

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What’s your plan?

My friends and family decided that I was being unconventional but they humored me. I was having a tough time, wasn’t I?

He needs a break, but he’ll be back in a week or two, they assumed.

What really puzzled people was that I had no plans. What are you going to do? they said. I have no idea, came my reply.

The only thing I knew was that I craved a life where I could finally do what I love and do what I want…

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I don’t quite know how I had the guts to make this wrenching change in my life, but as I look back now, I can see that I simply took things one tiny step at a time.

I made a decision that I wasn’t going back to my old life.

I bought a plane ticket…

I took a train to the airport…

I booked a workshop…

I put my house on the market…

I still find it strange, but as I look back on that moment I can now see that I have done what I love ever since.

And I have continued to do it one tiny step at a time…

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I Followed My Heart…

Over the past four years, I have followed my heart – one tiny step at a time. And I have turned old, hidden dreams into reality.

I spent 6 months living on a beach on a tiny island in Thailand.

I learned to teach yoga.

I proposed to a woman I’d met 10 days earlier.

I spent 12 months traveling the globe with that beautiful woman.

I saw gorillas in Uganda, abseiled down Table Mountain in Cape Town and visited Nelson Mandela’s prison cell. I journeyed to the Killing Fields in Cambodia and I sailed around Fiji. I meditated in the Himalayas and I volunteered with children in a slum in India.

I sold my house and used almost all of the money I had to train with the the world’s very best coaches and trainers.

I began to tell people what I do and they began to ask to work with me.

And recently I was asked to give a talk at Stanford University about my experiences.

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These days I help women and men, who are terrified they will be stuck in the same boring life for ever – they begin to make difficult decisions, fulfill their life’s purpose and live more courageously. They live a life of passion, adventure and fun…

And I have amazing clients.

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I know.
At times, I can’t quite believe it myself.

But its true…

Thank God I was Fired!

Tomorrow I’ll tell you more about three of my clients who were fired over the past year.

I’ll tell you how each of them called me in tears asking what am I going to do next?

And I’ll tell you that I had to remind each one of them that they had said to me months before (in one case, two years before) that being fired would be the best thing for them as it would force them to leave a life that bored and frustrated them…

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* What did you learn? Share your own stories and thoughts – Post a Comment below. I’d love to see you there!

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Rich Litvin
that confidence guy.

Author, Speaker, Confidence Coach, Entrepreneur
rich@thatconfidenceguy.com

This is me.
The good. The bad.
…And the ugly.

I’m a guy who’s on a journey to discover the secrets to natural confidence and to share what I learn on my travels…

In case you don’t know, I am currently traveling the world and writing the book “Secrets of The World’s Most Confident People”. I am literally searching out The World’s Most Confident People and interviewing them.

How am I choosing the people I interview?
I simply looked at the main ways I lack confidence in the world – and there are four of them.

I lack confidence around Sex, Money, Other People and Being Creative.

So the next part was easy…
I want to meet the most Sexually Confident people in the world.

I want to meet people so Confident with Money that they can generate whatever they need. Whenever they need it.

I want to interview men and women so Confident with Other People that they can walk into a party or a networking meeting not knowing a soul and walk out with a dozen phone numbers! (Me, I break into a sweat every time I walk into a party…)

And I want to interview people with such Creative Confidence that they feel free to do what they love. And even those creative people who have seen huge success: artists; musicians; film stars and more. Creative souls who are so excited about their work that others pay them. LOTS. Paid for doing what they LOVE – imagine that! So they can KEEP doing what they LOVE!

Cool. So why the aching heart? That sounds like fun.

If you don’t know, then read this older post…

As I write, I’m currently living on a beach in Thailand (I know. I know. What are you complaining about, dude?!)

And my wife has decided to take time away from me. Hey, who am I kidding? We are separating.

We are separating to get clear on what we both really, really, REALLY want from life.
That may include being together (Personally, I hope it does).

And it may not…

The key to being authentic is that I hide nothing. So you’re gonna get all of me on this blog. And I’ll be unapologetic about it.

Except when I say sorry.

So here’s the strange bit.
We have three more days together on this beach and I realized that I can spend this time being sad and upset and miserable and morose and gloomy [insert your favorite adjective for when you feel down in a relationship]. Or I can Choose My Experience.

My friend Michael Neill is a Supercoach (well, he ought to be – he has just written the book, Supercoach!) In Supercoach he says:

“Your day doesn’t create your mood; your mood creates your day…
When your mood is low, the world looks bleak; when your mood is high, you feel like you can take over the world.
When your mood is high, your partner is the most wonderful man or woman in the world; when your mood is low, they’re a complete bastard.
The difference is, as always, not in the world, but is being created inside you.  And a deeper understanding of how it’s being created will give you a whole lot more options about what to do about it.”

He goes on to say that the important thing to realize about your thinking, particularly your “unhappy” thinking is:

“It’s never the first thought never hurts – it’s the fifth, or fiftieth, or even five hundredth which inevitably comes when you follow a negative train of thought on its rambling journey to destinations unknown.”

And I get it.
I can sit here on this beautiful beach, and go off into my head, judging myself for all the mistakes I made, worried about how I’ll cope when my wife leaves or anxious about a future alone…

OR…

I can look at the beautiful blue ocean, the golden sand and the stunning woman in a bright red bikini lying next to me (that’s my wife, Monique, by the way!) And I can be totally present in this moment.

My life is great. I have 2 more weeks in Thailand; then 2 weeks in Singapore, where I’ll be interviewing two women who have been guests on Oprah. After that, I travel to China. I don’t know what will happen then. But I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.

My heart hurts.

AND…

My life is great.

“Here’s what I got.” - I’ve got a download of my favorite song by my wife, Monique DeBose, from her 2nd album “Choose The Experience: Volume 2″ She’s an amazing singer/songwriter. Check her out here and download Enjoy The Ride here