Not only are you not yet born but – as far as I know – you’ve not even yet been conceived…

However, it feels like time to write to you.

I’m not going to tell you how you should live your life – without a doubt that would result you doing the very opposite of every piece of advice I offer you!

Instead, I’ll share with you the ‘traditional’ guidance I was offered and the ‘non-traditional’ lessons I learned on my own journey.

And I’ll leave you free to create your own amazing life…

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1. What they told me: “Don’t Stand Out…”

I lacked such confidence as a child, son.

I recall my first day in high school at 11 years old. The teachers told us that from now on we would be addressed by our last names. And I still remember thinking that’s horrible, I want to be called by my first name.

But I did nothing. In fact, it didn’t even cross my mind that I could say what I wanted to the teachers.

So, I watched in awe as one other boy – who was later to become a great friend of mine for many years – said no. He simply said no to the teachers. He said he wanted to be called by his first name.

And what seemed crazy to me at the time, they agreed. He was the only boy in the entire school who was called by his first name.

Why didn’t I ask the same thing?

I was simply too focused on fitting in. I wanted to be accepted and I wanted to be liked.

In fact, I spent most of my life trying to be accepted and to get people to like me..

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What I learned: “Don’t Give a F**k…”

It took being fired, and leaving my dream home, to live in a hut on an island in South East Asia, for this to really hit me.

One day I noticed – 3 whole months after I’d lost my job – that I was still telling people my old job title. The thing was, I hadn’t done that job for months. And no one really cared.

Only me!

I’ve always admired those people who followed their hearts. Those people who took risks; ignored other people’s advice and trod their own unique path in life.

And one day, I discovered that I was becoming one of them…

I’d sold my house at a time when everyone advised me not to (property is the best investment you can make, they warned me back in 2006!) I resigned as CEO of a large coaching company when everyone said that staying would be the best thing for my career.

I proposed to Monique when I’d known her for only 10 days and everyone said I was crazy! And I stayed in love with Monique when she left me to pursue her dreams. (And now we’re back together, stronger than before).

It took many, many years for me to discover that the less I worry about what other people think of me, the more I get to live an amazing life…

I can’t think of a better description for this than “Don’t Give a F**k!” – Not in a disrespectful way, more like the quality you have when you can dance as if no one is watching!

“Don’t compromise yourself. You are all you’ve got.”
- Janis Joplin

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2. What they told me: “Build your confidence…”

So I did. I spent years learning ways to become more confident.

And none of them worked.

Well, some of them did in the short term. For example, I did get incrementally more confident at speaking in public, meeting women and having job interviews, etc. But they never really worked at the deepest level. You see, on the inside, I was always worried what people were thinking of me. I was always scared they would find out that I didn’t have it all worked out.

I felt terrified on the inside. I felt like a fraud at times. And I did everything I could to hide that from you.

Except, of course, what you resist persists…

The more I tried not to be scared, the more scared I was on the inside. The more I tried to ‘fake it til you make it’ with my own confidence, the less authentic I felt. And the more I tried to prove myself, the less I was admired by my bosses, partners and friends.

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What I learned: “Build Your Natural Confidence…”

I spent over 15 years as a teacher – in schools from inner city London to rural Africa. And I noticed one single quality that defined whether my students were going to be successful in the future or not.

Now, I don’t mean successful at school which – lets be honest – is defined by the number of facts you can regurgitate about The Vikings, The French Revolution or equilateral triangles.

I mean real success.
Success in life…

Falling in love. Creating great relationships. Doing what you love. Making an impact in the world. Generating money when you want to. Having great friendships. Taking risks. Doing things others tell you are impossible. Having your heart broken. Falling down. Failing spectacularly. And getting up and starting all over again.

That ability was defined by a quality I saw on rare occasions in my students and I now get to nurture in my clients.

It’s what I call ‘natural confidence’.

A sense of ease in yourself. A sense of being comfortable in your own skin. And an ability to be truly ME…

‘Being me’ is the only way I have discovered to build my natural confidence.

It isn’t always comfortable. Its definitely not the easy road. And there is no map for ‘Being me’ (Lets face it, there has never been a ‘me’ on this earth before. Ever!)

But the less I hide, the more I follow my heart and the more I trust my intuition – the more amazing my life becomes and the more successful I become.

Why did nobody ever mention that to me when I was young?”

“Don’t ask what the world needs.
Ask what makes you come alive and then go do that.
The world needs more people who have come alive.”
- Howard Thurman

To be continued…

If you’re wondering why its low profile… Well, we created it – and we’re the only two in it!

The idea was that we would email each other every day for 90 days. We would write down the exercise we did each day. And we would write down the food we ate each day. And we would not coach each other, give advice or guidance in any way.

The first 30 days were kind of strange. I sent my email to Jamie every day. But not a lot happened. My diet didn’t change and I barely worked out.

But I did get more and more conscious of the POOR food and exercise choices I was making. Day after day…

By day 21, I was living in China (I had moved to Beijing for 3 months) and I met someone who I’d first seen about 9 months earlier. His first words to me were have you put on weight? You’re looking big.

OUCH.

Man I was pissed.

Until I realized he was right.

For the first time in my life, my love handles met in the middle! I had a belly.

<This is a remarkably accurate picture of what I looked like!>

I didn’t know it was possible but I’d become a fat, skinny guy!

So by day 28 I found myself heading to a gym (no mean feat registering at a gym where the only language spoken is Chinese!) and I began to notice I was more and more conscious of what I was eating.

In fact, one day at a time I began a goal of working out five times a week. And I did this for the next five weeks and my belly began slowly shrinking…

But then my China trip ended and I headed back to the US and suddenly three weeks have gone by and I’m already back to eating poorly and barely exercising.

What’s going on? I asked myself.

I know HOW to eat healthily and I know HOW to exercise regularly…

So something is missing…

And then this morning I stumbled across this article by Adam Gilbert of http://MyBodyTutor.com

I enjoyed the article so much I emailed Adam and he immediately emailed me back and then called me for a chat this evening.

His premise is simple.
Most of us know HOW to eat healthily. Most of us also know HOW to workout.

But we don’t DO it!
What is missing is a secret ingredient: CONSISTENCY

Adam’s program is based around serious accountability.
He helps you create a customized lifestyle diet and workout plan. You then have weekly or daily phone calls as well as access to a Web Application with DAILY critique and suggestions to keep you focused, honest with yourself and most importantly consistent!

Here’s Adam on the left – clearly he has always enjoyed being healthy! But what I especially liked about Adam is that he used to work in corporate America. He was an accountant at Ernst & Young in their hedge fund and private equity practice and gave it all up to follow his passions to write and help people get create bodies they will love for life…

I love hanging out with people who do what they LOVE – so I already knew I liked Adam.

And in that moment I said to him, I’ll sign up in a couple of weeks when I’m back from a trip to the East Coast.

And then I caught myself. Why wait for two weeks. I can exercise on my trip (if I want to); I can eat healthily on my trip (if I want to).

There are ALWAYS excuses. There is ALWAYS a reason to say “I’ll start tomorrow.”

So I signed up. There and then!

If I was braver, at this moment I would post my before photos – but I’m not, so I don’t ask!

Instead, please ask – as often as you dare – show me your love handles, Rich!

I want to have a body I love for life. And when Adam and I set my targets tomorrow, I’m gonna tell him my goal to have a six-pack, for the first time in my life…

And in less than three weeks I have interviewed over 10 people for my book Secrets of The World’s Most Confident People. That makes 60 interviews to date <big grin> its been real fun!

So I was really excited to be invited to a dinner at The European Chamber of Commerce as the speaker was Jing Ulrich, who is #95 on the list of Forbes 100 Most Powerful Women.

You see, just a few weeks ago I set myself my next crazy goal of interviewing the World’s Most Powerful women…

I had no idea how to make this happen but I know that when I set crazy goals that excite me enough, they seem to have a way of coming to pass…

Anyway, I arrive at the dinner and everyone is wearing business suits, everyone is handing out business cards and everyone is talking about their high-powered company.

Me? At this point I got a little nervous…

After all, I was wearing jeans. I don’t use a business card. And my high powered company consists of just me, my Virtual Assistant and My Marketing Guy!

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What was interesting though, was that at the dinner, everyone at my table was fascinated by me and my job and my book.

And then I think my ego got a little carried away!

Someone asked do people ever say no when you ask to interview them?

I reflected and said no!

Well, its true. Everyone I have asked to interview has said yes, including some extremely well known people..

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Uh huh… I guess you can see where this is going….

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After Jing Ulrich’s speech, I strolled up to her table.

In my head, I could already hear her saying, You’re writing a book about the The World’s Most Confident People. I’d simply LOVE to be in it, Rich….

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Here’s how the actual conversation went:

Hello Jing, did you get the email I sent you?
No.
Oh, well I’m writing a book and I’d like to interview you.
I’m too busy right now.
Its about confidence.
That’s nice.
I’d like to find out about your journey into confidence.
<Awkward silence…>

I’m interviewing the The World’s Most Confident People. <Can you hear my note of desperation?!!>
Why don’t you use something from my speech… <Her speech was about the Chinese Economy>
<She turns away…>
Hmmm….

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Conversation clearly over.

I turn around and walk slowly away.

My tail between my legs.

The truth is, I was embarrassed, mad and inside I was saying Who do you think you are anyway, you’re only #95 out of 100 – on the List of  the The World’s Most Powerful Women!.

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So. What did I learn from this embarrassing experience?

1. Set CRAZY goals. The crazier the better. If they make you feel excited enough they have a way of coming true.
2. Don’t get attached to achieving them (immediately!).
3. If too many people say yes to you then you’re not asking challenging enough questions!
4. Watch out for your ego. The clue for me is when I think I’m cool it usually means I’m not!
5. You only really learn when you f**k-up!.

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“Here’s what I want you to do next.” – Email me with (a) One of your CRAZY goals, or (b) A time that you f**ked-up!

*****

Rich Litvin
that confidence guy.

Author, Speaker, Confidence Coach, Entrepreneur
rich@thatconfidenceguy.com